Day 1 (Morning)
Hey J,
It’s Day 1 again for the thousandth time, last night she punched through the black again. A gorgeous out of focus memory. I go for a hug or to go with her, but she presses my head and keeps me at arms length. Dressed like an angel, bathed in light as she left me to cry. I taste the salt and smell her perfume and coconut shave cream. 42(45) years old, bench 220, certified iron man, trophies mounted in the den, venison and bear in the drop down, I am a man GOD DAMMIT. Not that helpless child. I have the next two weeks off, just on more day…
(Evening)
…Janet is the biggest bitch ever, not just because she is 400 pounds and has bent all the steel chairs in the break room. I just needed to make it through the day. I did, things might be tense after this cleanse and my return but at least this time I got a job to go back to and not a foreman with a black eye. I hadn’t noticed that my arm was still bleeding from when that ho fell on me. Bri pointed out the red on my blue flannel, I thought it wasn’t that deep but then again I don’t think straight and that being the point is why Day 1 comes again. I would be out cold having finished Jeopardy, J they replaced that rainbow guy for the human calculator how long was his streak anyways. Better get to sweating if I am to get some sleep before I drive out tomorrow.
Feeling good and strong now, time to fight those demons.
Day 2(Morning)
Hey J,
It’s Day 2. Last night was the Pakistani. He wasn’t even my first confirmed. I pulled the trigger, he had a gun. Jacoby said that the sweep came up and that his weapon wasn’t even loaded. I guess they made me feel like a tool for that one. Did he not know? Was he set up by his “brothers”? Something in his eyes reminds me of Bri, trust I’ll call it that for now. I’m taking set 2 to McGoggin’s cabin this time. 30 days rations 😉 Janice, Johnathan, Justice, vis gear, tree tent, flares classic and glow, 9 hours of Bowie’s 2018 release LOVING THE ALIEN, crank battery charger, 200 cash, standard sealed first aid kit, a duo pack of cards, and a sealed first aid kit.
(Evening)
After cleaning up the needles and boarding up the window, McGoggin’s cabin looks almost respectable again. Best thing about the solid wood furniture is that applying resin coats was easier than cleaning blood and vomit from the cushions and rugs he kept during Kimberly or was it Candice. I heard her name like twice and after once he called them all “that cunt” anyways. It was an 8 mile hike to the cabin and a 6 hour drive. Now that the place is patched up and the bed sheets changed out. I’ll burn the soiled ones tomorrow.
Day 3(Morning)
Should I be happy the faces have gotten fewer, last night it was the girls from my days with REDWATER. I think I am okay with this small guilt of not having more from my official days of service. I should feel bad and I do, but if this cleanse is just going to the greatest hits that’s okay too. I know J, I am suppose to express the horrors of the dreams and “process” these feelings. But when it comes to the love hostel raid of those REDWATER demons, I am okay with carrying their guilt. Someone should feel bad for the what happened that day. I know those assholes won’t, after all do demons even suffer in hell?
(Afternoon)
Perimeter sweep complete. There is a new gravel road about a half mile from the north border, leading to a wealthy cul-de-sac, Righlty’s Realtor, etched in a granite slab. 5 modern McMansions where the walls are glass except for the sleeping areas on the top and bottom floor. Imagine buying a car you never drive or a view you visit twice a year. Hey maybe they are timeshares J. A quick way to turn a few mil into another dozen. “Each is own.” I know, but fuck wouldn’t there be more to go around if their was more like me who get to the top, stop, and coast. I know there are things I can’t afford like a private jet or a yacht, but I have enough pooled from my dividend that I could take any dam flight or cruise I desire.
Southeast lake looks like carpet clearing, almost full coverage of algae, glad I came out for a hunt and not a fishing trip.
Southwest is still charred from the fires two years ago, dead trees and a grave yard of ashes. I’ll be keeping that out of my sight line. No reason to invite an environmental horror into my PTSDreams.
(Evening)
Logs cut and sheets burned. Some chores shouldn’t be so satisfying, why ever did men leave the woods and settle on cities. Some say women, others say wolves, I bet the college crop says capitalists starved them out. How though, there is food in every bush and fish in every pond.
Day 4(Morning)
REDWATER, Cocaine, Full Sweep, 35 confirmed, 90 fired. 20 armed, 12 under fifteen, screams from those burning in the work house. “We could be heroes, We could be heroes, Just for one day we could beat them” If I could steal time I wouldn’t take back that day. We did some good there, I just wish upon a djinn that I could have done it better. If I had spoke up or had more sway I could have spoken up for a full hostile sweep rather than a full sweep. I could have made the difference, But for that fucking scared child. He is a coward and can’t speak up for what he should. That one is on him. Those screams are for him to suffer.
(Afternoon)
Janice caught me a rabbit clean behind the back of the skull. Shit was ripe with strange ticks though. Yellow-grey carapaces, the length of earwigs and the width of a fat caterpillar. It’s puss smelled of sulfur and methane. I used two bags and hopefully the slurry still attract a coyote or two tomorrow.
My wound has finally closed and I don’t need to change wraps anymore.
Tonight will be the worst, I know it. Justice keeps offering peace, but I am confirmed and their isn’t any doubt what lies after I accept that offer.
(Evening)
I need to get with a dietitian again, I can feel my bones start to crack under the pull of my muscles. How am I to sleep if I can’t exhaust because I got older than I should.
Day 5(Morning)
WATERSTONE, EU, disposal. I did what I had to. Two hours in the bath until my nose started telling the truth about the lye being a dream. After the sun caught the rabbit slurry, that smell returned and had to scrub myself til those red splotches appeared. Vaselined Talcumed before I clothed up again, blessing be that the itching of my clothes keep Justice quiet.
(Afternoon)
At least those bugs didn’t chew through the plastic, and the gasses from their feast didn’t pop the bag either. My hide is set up just a mile from the lake, I found a clean apart that smelled fresh enough. Wild lavender and black berries not heavily picked. Now comes the waiting, well after I climb down and pop the bait. Never mind, J it’s just you and me the gases finally burst the seam. If everything keeps getting so shitty and expensive I will need three bags next time.
Best thing about live recordings is not feeling alone, while literally being alone. And maybe one day the cries of joy will blend with the screams of pain and I can get back to normal like person being.
I saw a fox but she saw me first.
(Evening)
Sun will be down in twenty, being on the edge all day is exhausting. If my haunts hold true though I’d rather not see them tonight. I heard yips 2 hours ago but they won’t refuse a snack if dusk wind blows just right.
(High Moon)
that rabbits nasty infection of tickwigs, headed out under the moon like a square foot of carpet yellow-grey carpet pulsing toward the lake. I watched them shiver blood and guts through Janice’s newest accessory.
Day 6 (Morning)
If the only thing I gained was a reprieve from that time, well last night wasn’t a loss. But had I been paying attention why those tickwigs left. I would have saw that they picked the bitch clean.
(Afternoon)
The lake was completely covered now, and the algae was choking itself losing color fast. If I can’t hunt, what else am I going to do with the time. 4 more days and I can medicate again. Every plan I ever had the world will conspire against it.
(Evening)
Spent the day on the beat trails, and as suspected there isn’t anything from deer or even wild hogs around. The fox watches me though, I left her a trail bar. Her nose is smart enough not to eat those berries containing tickwig maggots. If she was younger and less scarred, I could use the hide. But she has survived many battles and hardly has plume on her tail.
I’m here for the never satisfied hogs or the brutal coyotes, not some geriatric veteran fox.
Day 7(Morning)
WATERSTONE, under Florida, Triangle Job, I never felt so good for getting paid for this one. Never felt worse for losing my ignorance that true monsters walk around in human suits. I’d seen the targets at mass. I didn’t know it yet, why they were hit. Honestly I don’t know for sure whether it was cleaning up deviants or just a power play. I suspect the son of course, his gains where close to half a bill. But could have been any of a hundred reasons he upset the wrong person, something as simple as not showing “proper” respect during a banker’s dinner party. New money has no idea how fragile their fate’s thread is. What I did for those children was a mercy, and the fact their faces bring me a moment of peace during that nightmare. Why did the crew have to be so upset and haunt me? Did they not know? Is it possible they had no idea what their master was? Was the devil himself laughing at me knowing that maybe one day he would have all our souls. They died without last rites. They should be working it off in Purgatory not pissing off my sleep.
Sorry J, this isn’t much of a dialogue and process is it. Maybe next time.
Well I am off to pour 20 gallons of gas into the choke at the lake and bring back nature through a little dino blood magic.
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This has been an Iron Age media submission, Be sure to vote after October 19th 2023.
hngyhngyhppo 