Short stories and articles of thought

Achievement

According to the devils dictionary

Achievement, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

This hits me hard.

I have achieved enough. I could if I wanted to rest on my laurels. But I am disgusted by all that I have achieved.

Here’s a quick tally.

I have been award a PUC, 2 NAMs, submarine warfare, and a 2nd class mechanic

I have finished and publish 3 novellas

I earned 100 tiktok followers in less than two weeks

I have a wonderful wife

Financially I don’t need a dime from my online endeavors

and yet none of this will stop

that feeling of disgust

I could achieve even more

but that would only make that feeling worse

I could gain 100 blog followers but that is unlikely

this blog is for me and catharsis

I know the metrics though

I will have 100 blog followers when I have 10k youtube subs

I need a 10k youtube subs so that I can get reliably

1k book sales

I need 1k books sales so that I can grow my pulp project.

But the taste of disgust is still in my mouth regarding my YT content.

I don’t like it

It’s not good

and what’s worse

It’s not something I want to do

It’s something I know I need to do

as that is what is keeping my from my mission of raising young men’s literacy

and portraying a more accurate view of the world through pulp fiction

I’ll figure that out

but not today

soon I hope

but not today

then after that endeavor

I’ll figure out how to live with that disgust as well.

With love,

Hngyhngyhppo

Every Blessing a Curse

Every Blessing is a Curse

Whether on it’s face such as the touch of Midas. Blessed with eternal fortune, cursed with the isolation that touch creates.

My wife is watching Memories of Alhambra.

And if I were still ignorant

I would enjoy it.

But I have been blessed with a thirst for knowledge

So then within the first five minutes, I’ve written of the Show’s director. Whose craft actually improves as the episodes progress, but he made a terrible first impression.

“Why oh Why didn’t I take the blue pill.”

Not that I would if I could go back.

But How different would my enjoyment be spending time with my wife enjoying a show with her, instead of reading a book or article at the edge of the couch while she follows the story.

A year ago I didn’t know anything about score composition

Color washes,

Framing,

The three ways to film a chase scene,

and another half dozen aspects of filmography

and screen writing

and post production

that this show violates, ignores, or uses to incorrect effect

I’ve made peace with my own curse.

But tonight my mind wanders to think of the greater implications of just how high the bar is being raised.

Everyday there is another 500,000 hours of video upload to YouTube. That is a lifespan of 57 years to just watch one day’s worth of uploads, if you didn’t sleep from cradle to grave.

A hundred years ago, people gathered for miles to watch performers sit on a pole for a day straight.

The bar for what even qualifies as “Bad” and worth discussing is so high, everything that rates under 9 out of 10 is not even worth the breath to dismiss it.

Since 2018 I’ve watched YouTube at 2x, wishing it had 2.5x

meaning that over my 3-5 hours of passive YouTube courses I’m sitting through 6-10 hours of content.

I think this only puts me slightly ahead enough to see that the bar is so incredibly high.

How are we to create

whether of word

4,500+ books a day

whether of art

DeviantArt Alone

65,000

or of video

There are no more key holders standing between creators and the presses that carry their work to the masses.

But now the curse is to stand out as a drop of water from inside the ocean herself.

I hope you like me are spurred on by this

for now you know

just how good you have to be to even be worth

“Trash Talk.”

With Love,

HngyHngyHppo

How could you know? She asks

That is the problem with hindsight it is 20/20


2007 I got three friends together to start making YouTube videos, web comics, and film full length features. Politics and poor management from myself and a host of reason that venture only lasted 3 months before complete collapse.


2016 my wife and I tried to start a food truck. But it didnt work out. I’m confident now that would be different. As the principle reason was the initial finance barrier from square one to open day.

I’ve learned better habits in 2017-18 and we cant start another Becuase we know how much initial capital we need to get out of the box so to speak. I thought in 2016 sweat equity would have been enough, but actually I needed to learn the lessons that year taught along with the following years.


I published my first book in 2018, which was terrible. But my third was published last April and it is decent definitely a 7 out of 10. But while I should have been cultivating an audience since 2018, Becuase of all the other skills I need to grow and keep an author platform.


Had I even just dipped my toe in just a little, I would have discovered the fact that it takes 3 to 5 years to build a stable online presence. 


I knew how long it would take to get my writing to a position I needed it to be offering an acceptable product. And while no one has come out of the woodwork yet and revitalized pulp fiction. Honesty that be a good thing as then I could be second to a fresh market. I dont think anyone is going to create this market for me.


So I have to create it myself.


But No I did not at the time know what might happen. Youtube might over the course of three years become the largest platform making millionaires out of a vast swath of its early creators who were there growing before the Ads.


Web comics from 2008 to 2012 lead to PAX and now in 2020 online comics survive on tips, instead of the hundreds of thousands of adsense their websites generated before mobile social apps of 2013 which demonitized the industry.


This year not withstanding food trucks that complete the festival circuit make profits in the mid 200k from March to Aug.


Of course the likely outcome is always failure. That’s how bussiness works, but except for the food truck which we could either continue pursuing or move out of my friends basement and start paying rent. The venture has always failed not because of finances but becuase of me. Decisions I made. Knowledge I did not at the time possess, which you may say “how could I have known” and to which the reply is “it was my responsibly to know” 


Sorry if this is ranty, today was not good emotionally.


I launched a video last night and soon after I woke up I saw that it was getting a 10% click through (meaning of the hundred people youtube recommended the video to 11 people clicked on it) which is very good. But I had to pull the video down becuase viewers where immediately within the first minute of the 6 minute video clicking away.I need to fix this video, I never should have put it up in that state. I’m feeling guilty becuase a 10% click through is great news and I should be happy. But now I have a benchmark of success which is unrealistic. 


Instead of doing the 2 hours of fixing the video, I took it down. And took a nap sleeping away the day. Then beat myself up since I didnt get any of the other things done I wanted to do.


If I were a robot id be fine and productive but I lost a whole day. Not the first and not the last. Tommorrow I have plans to be better prepared and if the gyms were open I could have eased my anxiety and depression by pedaling away for a hour or two.


I know what band of talent, skill, and education I operate in and if I can keep myself emotionally balanced I will achieve greatness. But that day has not come and since my motivation is not striving for success but rather running from the past versions of myself as a failure. I keep in mind constantly what is the Oppurtunity cost of X.


In my case its millions. Millions of dollars I could have been using to better the treatment of artists, the furthering of my personal mission of raising young men’s literacy and comprehension. The ability to service not just the entertainment needs of people but their educational needs as well.


So much of my entertainment has given my a fake perception of how the world functions and that has lead to mistakes of judgement. 

With love,

Hngyhngyhppo

The Best Bad PR, Don’t read the prince it’ll make you Evil.

 

This quote has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks.

Machiavelli

I wish to demonstrate further the infelicity of these arms. The mercenary captains are either capable men or they are not; if they are, you cannot trust them, because they always aspire to their own greatness, either by oppressing you, who are their master, or others contrary to you intentions; but if the captain is not skilful, you are ruined in the usual way.”

  • The Prince

Most of Macha’s advice is quite clear and bereft. This ends in the worst of ways because it assumes that the reader is aware of the “usual ways” which incompetent captains bring about ruin.

This has been the thorn in my head because if I could just trim down this paragraph to a single sentence or better yet a slogan. Then I could weaponize and viralize this knowledge in meme format.

But alas that is on the tip on tongue.

Here’s why that knowledge is more important now than ever before.

We live in an ecclesiastic principle that worships not on the tenants of the Papal church but on the Altar of fame and fortunes. Our rulers rule an apathic populace, that is neither concerned with the status or capabilities of those in charge.

But that is upstream of the problem from where the majority of us have affect.

If I were able to meme that paragraph then I would be able to point out to the viewer that

A) they are not competent; if they are loyal

B) their boss is not competent; if they are loyal

I’m certain their are exceptions but I haven’t seen any.

I’ve seen companies that will hire outside candidates to their management team, so as not to promote anyone from within. Because promoting internally creates a level of internal tension that results in tensions and cost the bottom line. But by hiring an unknown and folding them into an organization as long as they have the authority to be in the captain’s role, then their is little lost in the way of employees and man power capital.

I’ve seen maintenance men climb their way to warehouse manager because of their proficiency with reports and cost reduction, Skill valued highly by those making decisions from a desk 2,000 miles away. But as Macha states they bring ruin in the usual way. In this case they keep cutting cost to the point where if anything went wrong, it went WAY wrong. Ending up costing hundreds of thousands of dollars, fortunately his skill with email and quarterly reports was enough to sell the escalating disasters as wins because rather than focus on this area that was currently on fire, these other measures have been put in place elsewhere which will have projected savings greater than the current damages. However, this were statistical lies but since the princes sat behind their thrones miles away and insulated from disaster by the profitability of the rest of their kingdom, so long as their throne wasn’t currently on fire and their was nothing but pleasant news coming from the out reaches. Well then, why be concerned.

I like to think that there is a range from

0 – 100

0 being 100% loyal and 0% competent

Most Captains

are about

40 to 49%

But that’s the danger

because the cracks in the system are small and spread slowly

If your able to keep a captain

whose over 50%

then he’ll seal those cracks slowly but they will be fixed

If the Captain is higher than 60%

he is likely costing more than he is apparently worth

Since Captain’s derive their loyalty from the expansion of their own greatness

Fortune for most

Awards for some

A competent Captain will be immediately expensive and his expense will increase as they gain more competence being exposed to the problems of the position. Meaning that for a time the cost of the Captain will become untenable but if that Captain has systematized his improvements then he can be rotated out for a Captain of loyalty and enough competence to slow the descent caused by their competence.

I truly wish we lived in a meritocracy

but that is not the case

Their are still areas of life that are such but they are being gated as soon as they are legitimized

Djing was such an area in 2013

Now it’s gate’s are locked behind the Live Nations talent arm

YouTube was free

Til about 2015

with restrictions growing greater every day

TikTok

was free until it took the name TikTok

Reddit

was never free

WordPress blogs

are free and void of non-endimec audiences

what I mean by this they are a great platform to interact with a very specific subset of people

not the general public.

There is no meritocratic forum to compete for the attention of the general public.

Which is why I’ve finally gotten around to reading the Prince.

I have a big problem. My target audience is men Ages 18-25, I need to reach these assholes, build brand with them so that I can sell them books, SO that I can use those funds to revolution the arts.

However I can not meritocracy compete for their eyes to read my fictionalized pages. Instead they populate YouTube heavily, and Twitch, so I must lay siege to those platforms raising captains of my own to stage battles and feats and draw attention.

Attention which is more valuable than Gold

Because Attention is the opportunity to convert

and I must convert bystanders to soldiers

If I’m to help in the war against men.

The war of apathy

I need people

I need people

I need a sword and a shield

I need someone to act as a sword, create conflict and draw attention

I need someone to act as a shield, to protect my interests by absorbing and deflecting emotional blows, so that I can not only continue to produce entertain: my novellas, my games, and further my personal mission to improve the literacy and reading proficiency of the next generation of young men.

I cannot continue to work alone and expect any hope of success financially or otherwise.

I need just two people to help me for at least two hours a week.

IMO The Thousand Cock Stare

The Thousand Cock Stare is a term in the Manosphere referring to the look of a woman who has not only hit the wall but has ridden the cock carousel so much that she has destroyed her ability to pair-bond and be satisfied with any partner for long.

Hot Take:

The premise is flawed.

Imagine your mind is a boat on a wide open ocean…

The older you get the more cargo you take on, the bigger that ship gets.

The bigger that ship is the harder it is for it to turn course.

The problem is that the manosphere says that pair bonding can occur after the age of 22 if only she has kept her partner count low.

The flaw in this premise is that if the ship at 30 is an oil tanker

the manosphere believes that at age 22 the ship can still easily right it’s sails

but by that point in a persons experience their ship is the size of a cruise ship,

It’s course is largely set and changing direction is easily and faster than that of the tanker,

But the capacity for pair bonding has already been determined.

15

is when the Seinfeld began grooming his bride

15

is largely when romantic and partner experience start to enter a person’s cargo hold

UNDERSTAND I am not advocating grooming or pedophile.

So 18 then so this all legal and well

at this age an adult woman will have had 3 years of experience in relationships and much less baggage.

This isn’t a question of pair-bonding because by and large I don’t think pair-bonding is a given trait. Since many cultures exist just fine without strict pair-bonding relationship and our society at least the working class portion will see it dissolve into either religious based pairs and secular open relations.

This is a matter of learned and repetitive behavior.

If you’ve read the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene,

or your familiar what to do after the honeymoon fades.

Then you should understand that after the initial attraction has faded their are steps to take that reignite lost flames and introduce excitement where and when appropriate. In order to keep things fresh for you and your partner.

It doesn’t matter whether or not a 30 or even 40 something took a good long ride on the cock carousel.

If her life experience is well adjusted to being alone, she will be unable to “pair-bond” just the same.

Because her life and experience consists largely without you and even with 30 more years of a successful marriage, this won’t prevent divorce because as people age and start to fall into routines the some of many experiences are blend into few and their cargo space is reduced.

You know how the days are long but the weeks are short and the years fly by.

The whole time she will remember the many highlights of varied experience from her 20 years before you came and unless you provide equally varied and memorable experiences than you are the one causing jeopardy in your relationship.

The number of cocks doesn’t matter

Its the number of experiences.

I’ll be honest those experiences increase the cost of maintaining a long term relationship, whether or not she was a rider or not. The Honeymoon phase gives you a hormonal boost to meet her cost expenditure. It’s not that you stop giving the same it’s that the hedonistic treadmill will mean that unless you’ve adopted a healthy abuse spiral, then your Honeymoon bonus goes away and now you have to expend more effort. Simply for her to adjust to that effort and demand more.

This isn’t a result of the stare, or the wall. This is just the way it is.

If you want a long term relationship with a single woman. You can’t front load all your effort in the relationship and expect to just coast.

You must intentional go through periods of drought and willful deprive, so that you can spin out of that and back into the romance closer to when you first started.

Pair-bonding, the stare, and the wall

are preached by the divorced casualties and the red pill ragers

to those who start this rabbit hole after their first clash with reality.

In summary read the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

and understand now more than ever it’s on men to decide when and how long to engage with a partner.

Be informed and

Thanks for reading, I hope this was of value.

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With Love,

HngyHngyHppo